I was Born To Love You
by validatedadulthood
Summary: When forever lies at your feet, you have an eternity to make all the wrong decisions before choosing the right one. Jacob and Renesmee are connected by something more powerful than love, an imprint. He moves, you move. The most basic law of the universe. So it should be easy finding your feelings and admitting them, right? AU(ish). I don't own Twilight or Stephanie's characters
1. The Beginning

I was born to love you baby.

"_I get to stay with you?" I demanded_

"_Forever" mommy promised her._

_We had forever. And i could see the smile light up my mom's face in the same way my smile probably lit up mine._

"_Forever" daddy echoed. I looked to Jacob then and mouthed "forever" to him. I had never felt so much happiness. _

That was in a long time ago now. I guess you could say the drama that plagued the start of my life still haunts my family, not everyday, not all the time, but you can sense it sometimes when one of them is too still, and you can feel it on an out breath, and i can see it when they look at me and when they talk of our future. Because vampires never forget, we haven't, and the Volturi certainly won't.

Until the day when we will have to face them again we live our lives wrapped up in relative happiness, not quite human lives but lives lead with a healthy dose of humanity at least. At the moment we are living in Minnesota, we being my mum, dad, rose and emmett. I live about an hour away in college halls, Alice and jasper live a couple of hours run away further down south whilst my grandparents live on one of the small islands off the mainland. We have a boat so it doesn't take long to get to them and we see each other often enough.

Our living arrangements have never ever been permanent in all the years I have lived. Sometimes we all live together and sometimes we break off. My grandparents always stay close though which is great because I don't get to see my other grandpa, Charlie, as much as I would like to.

My mum, my dad and me go back to forks every couple of months but we only stay for a handful of days, never more than a week because we can't be seen around the town and we get a bit sick of being cooped in the cottage away from civilisation. We arrive at night and we leave at night. Everytime.

Having said that I love forks, of course I do. It's my home, it's where I grew up, it's where my family are. It's where Jake is. My imprint. My best friend.

My relationship with Jake is a little odd, when I was younger he was my brother-come-best friend, but he was also the person who I looked up to in every sort of way. He was always there, always making sure I felt loved. When I went through my awkward teenage phase at 6, he helped me in more ways than I can express. I don't know whether it was because he was a werewolf or because he was my imprint, but he helped calm all the anger I felt like no one else could.

When I grew out of that stage my understanding of my life grew also and my appreciation for those who fought for me when I was just a child became amplified. Grandpa Carlisle's theory is that when the hormones settled in place and I stopped ageing, certain parts of my personality grew stronger whilst other bits that I no longer needed - like my typical teenage frustration and self hatred - diminished.

All that remained after was how grateful I was to be alive and with my family and how much I loved them. Of course the fear never ebbed. The fear that still haunts my shadow everywhere I go, reminding me that one day I could lose it all because of them. The Volturi.

But I guess that doesn't really matter whilst I am here at college studying for my finals attempting to re-read the most boring chapter I possibly could on human interaction with wild animals 20,000 years ago. And here I thought my human evolution module would be interesting. It just goes to show how much humans can really miss out on when ignoring the obvious fangs glinting right in front of them. Not that I'm smug or anything.

As I think this I hear my flatmate- possibly Tara judging from the footfalls and frantic heartbeat - come in the front door to our dormitory. That's another thing that's been tricky. Trying to fit in with new dorm mates is hard enough without wanting to suck their blood every other minute. It's not been so bad learning how to control it though, thanks to the compassion instilled in me from my grandparents and the overzealous sense of control my dad has, I've learned to cope I suppose.

I sigh as I get up and open my door

"Hey Tara, how was the run?"

"Jeez Ness! You scared me" she exclaimed moving her hand to place over her chest and using the other one to nudge the earpiece out of her ear as she entered the fridge simultaneously. I frowned, thinking I would have to work harder on my human movements. Apologising, I took the magazine Kira had left on the table. Tara was a running maniac, health freak, Kira was the beauty queen of the year. Both were nice enough girls though. Jenna was rarely here and if she was she happened to be attached to the face of a footballer from down the hall. Not that I was jealous or anything.

"Did you get your assignment done?" She asked sitting down on the opposite sofa, turning the tv on and biting into a slice of cold pizza.

"No" I sighed "still have my reading to do. Why is it that studying something will automatically make the entire subject boring and meaningless to you?"

"Ha!" Kira snorted entering the living area from her room, she looked like she had just woken up though it was 4pm "you're telling me. I hate math and I hate my dad more for making me study it" she begrudged,

"See, this is why you choose a subject with no exam or theory-related content, like mine"

"Yeah, because running for a living is _all_ the rage now. I hear people get paid to the dime for that stuff"

"They do, Kira. It's called the Olympics"

"It's called being stupid"

"It's called having a _dream_"

"No, it's called-"

"Alright ladies that's enough of that" I intervened. I loved being at college and living away from home sometimes but Kira and Tara's bickering was enough to drive anyone insane. Just then my phone rang. Jake.

The look on my face must have given it away because the girls decided it was fair to tease me as I scrambled back into my room and shut the door. I could still hear their girly high -pitched voices as I answered the phone

"Jake" I breathed a sigh of relief

"Hey loca, how's my favourite college-girl doing? Got that diploma yet?" He teased. His warm, cheery voice made me smile. I could tell he was outside walking from the sounds on the other end of the phone and I imagined him coming back from patrol, or walking down to the beach, or going into his garage. I missed him.

"Pft. Hardly. I can't get past chapter 12 of my human evolution book at the moment"

"Ah ness, all good scholars hit a wall at some point"

"Oh yeah, do they do it with their head by any chance?"

"_No_" he dragged out the sound in a sarcastic way "they do it by breaking through, of course"

"Oh really? And what would you know Mr. I have a degree in barking"

"Ooo ouch ness. Way to kick a dog when he's down. Besides we all know you're the breadwinner my love, I'm just the mechanic" my sensors immediately went up in response to the first part of his sentence which I noticed he tried to gloss over.

"What do you mean 'you're down' ? What's up jake, is everything okay on the res?"

"Everything's fine ness" he sighed "you're such a worry wort"

"And you brush off anything you might upset me, I'm not a kid jake, spill."

Jake paused before sighing again "nothing I can't handle ness, there's a new scent round the area, it seems to be sticking but no injuries or deaths or anything else out of the ordinary yet"

"Yet?" I edged

"Yet" he confirmed. His silence was testing my patience

"Jake come on don't shut me out, tell me" I pleaded.

Another pause. "Oh I don't know ness, something just doesn't feel right about it."

"But there haven't been any strange sightings?"

"No nothing. That's what's so odd. I almost want there to be something so we have a lead, but of course if there is the victim probably won't live to tell the tale whoever they might be."

At this I gasped. Jakes tone sounded very off, like whatever was going on his end had him spooked.

"What do the others think?" I pried

"Not a lot really" I could almost sense him rubbing the back of his neck red, "they think we shouldn't do anything until something happens, like we should wait around and not stop whatever this might be that's crossing the borders." He exclaimed in an irritated voice

"But jake, you _don't_ know what's crossing your borders, the guys have a point. How can you stop something if you don't know where or what it is?"

At this he was silent and I could feel his defeat. I longed to be with him in this moment, to hold him and show him that I loved him, that he was a great pack leader and that it would be okay. But then again it might be a vampire from Italy reporting back to Aro and effectively signing our death sentence. In which case I hoped they would catch it. Whatever it was.

"Did you tell me parents?" I enquired after a pause

"Yeah" he breathed out "they said if it continues on for the next couple of weeks they'll make a trip out but I told them not to-"

"No Jake we can come!" I interrupted. I hadn't seen him in 62 days now and I would love the excuse to go back rather than wait another month to see him as planned.

"Ness" he chuckled "you need to study. We agreed to you spending as much time there as you can so you can study for your finals, you know, the very important exams you have in three weeks! Like I'd let you come back for an inconsequential thing like this"

"Well look at you using fancy words! Are you sure you don't want to take my exams for me, I could always use a human dictionary. "

"Gotta whack 'em out once in a while ness, can't have you thinking your best friend is a total idiotic loser"

"No worries about that happening then" i drawled sarcastically "stop sticking your tongue out at the phone. It doesn't work when I can't see it you know"

"Well you guessed well enough didn't you? So I hasten to object to your previous statement, miss Cullen"

I laughed "caw, no ones called me Cullen in _ages_"

"Well you'll always be a Cullen to me, no matter how many aliases you take on ness" I could tell he was smiling on his end and I would have been too if not for my mind thinking about what it would be like to be Renesmee Black.

"Hey ness, I gotta go, patrols just starting-"

"Oo who are you going out with?" I asked, distracted from my prior thought.

"Gotta train up the newbies. Peter and Jackson are coming out and Leah and Colin are helping me to guide them. They've only been out a handful of times so far" I was quiet then.

Shapeshifting was long a part of Quileute legends and when older members of the pack would retire it was long know that the transformation would trigger new wolves to join. Ever since the battle against the Volturi, the guys all believed the phasing would stop. But now there are about 23 wolves, excluding Sam, Paul and Jared. Though Quil was about to marry he had no intention of quitting the pack yet and Leah had stayed out of loyalty and distraction from her non existent love life. Jake had told me that even Brady was thinking about leaving soon enough to go travelling around Europe. I knew that it haunted jake to be alpha of a pack which knew no limits. Guiding 23 werewolves definitely took its toll on him, but Leah and Seth were great supports and together they led the ever-growing pack. Of course we all had our explanations behind why the pack was growing to be so big, and all feared the worst even if we did not always express these fears aloud.

"Okay, jake" I sighed, coming back to the present, "be safe. I love you"

"Always am, I love you too. Go back to studying so I don't have to worry about you working in walmart when the school kicks you out"

"You joke now Jacob black but that is a very real possibility. Besides I would rock the uniform obviously"

"Haha I have no doubt ness" and with that he ended the conversation.

I wondered briefly about making a quick call to my parents about jakes situation before deciding I would do it tomorrow. I did after all have an exam at 12. One for which I was entirely considering slitting my throat before. Knowing my luck I probably wouldn't bleed out.


	2. The End

I breathed a sigh of relief as i wrote my last word and put down my pen. Stretching out, i ruffled my hair and smiled to myself, looking around at the other students, some of whom were furiously writing up to the last minute and some of whom looked utterly bored in their seats. My mid drifted back to my last four years at college and the memories i had made. Tonight i was celebrating with my flatmates and our friends, some from the building in which we lived and some from my course. Everyone headed to the same bar anyway. Tonight was going to be extra huge, it was the last ever exam, the last ever night out before graduation. Although alcohol didn't affect me as strongly as it did for humans, it did have some effect and i was able to get drunk for a while before my immune system overcame the alcohol and sobered me up. I also never saw a hangover, thank you vampirism. This i found out in my four years here, much to the dismay of all my flatmates who suffered from very bad hangovers.

The bell sounded the end of our exams and the end of my college career (for now at least). The students moved faster than i had ever seen, all energised with excitement. As i walked trough campus i noticed the celebrations had already begun in one building embellished with toilet paper, and for one group of students camped out with crates of beer on the lawn. Different types of loud music could be heard throughout the buildings as i walked in between them, and even my own was as loud as the others. I smiled as i entered my living room to see Kira dancing on the sofas singing karaoke and throwing her hair back and forth to Willow Smith. Tara was lounging on the loveseat clearly off her face as she raised her glass to me when i approached them.

"Hey Ness, come join our party! We're going out to Corin's in half an hour so you had better be ready, miss Thang! This is our prees party" i smiled as i dropped my bag and took her cup, smelling and then taking a sip. I coughed as the vodka hit the back of my throat

"Classic Tara, 99% vodka 1% mixer. Whats even the point? Why not just have straight vodka?"

"Pft. Please Ness, i don't want to seem totally alcoholic" she exclaimed taking back her drink and swigging it

"oh right, but seeming mostly alcoholic is totally fine" i teased as i walked into my bedroom and looked for an outfit for this evening

Half an hour later, i had finished skyping my parents – who were exceptionally happy for me finishing exams and couldn't wait for me to come home tomorrow- i was scouring my wardrobe for the remains of clothes i could find, half dressed in the latest unsuccessful outfit i had tried.

"Arg! I don't have anything to wear" i finally exclaimed

"Here. Wear this, i didn't pack it and its just lying there and i know how much you like it, you look great in it." Jenna said as she waved her green mini dress around the door, poking her head in with a smile. She was right i did love it, and i loved her in that moment for her kindness

"thanks Jen" i said as we left the flat ten minutes later, though that may have been due to the three vodka and cokes Tara had made me neck before heading out. As we reached Corin's apartment it wasn't hard to see out very out of control this party had gotten. The door was wide open, the music was ferociously loud, there were so many people that i had to hold onto the doorframe and steady my breath as their scents hit me all at once. I guess to the others it looked like i was steadying my balance because Tara exclaimed

"woah, steady on there Ness, looks like you need more drink"

"Tar, that makes no sense, but i wholeheartedly agree, lets get pissed" Kira confirmed, linking arms and walking off.

"i'll see you in a bit Ness, unless you wanna come man-hunting with me?" Jenna asked waggling her eyebrows at me suggestively.

I grimaced at the thought "I think i'll pass, but i'll go find Corin, see what she's up to"

"suit yourself" she said walking off into the crowd

It didn't take me too long to find Corin and our other friend Justin at the beer pong table.

"Ness!" he exclaimed holding his arms out for me, i could hear his heartbeat quicken as i hugged him. I had known for a while now he had a crush on me, or at least like me enough to gage a physical reaction such as that. "you look lovely" he appraised

"yeah, nice legs, beaut" Corin added. Both were drunk i could tell.

"thanks, i think i need a drink, i may be the most sober at this party"

"oh hell no, i claim that one" a new voice claimed from behind me, i spun around and found Thomas, a good looking blonde boy from my class

"hey Thomas, wanna rectify it and get a drink?" i asked hopefully

"absolutely" he agreed with a smile

An hour later saw us dancing on the living room floor, me, Justin, Tara, Kira, Thomas and Corin. By this point things were becoming blurry in my vision and i couldn't stop smiling as i swayed to the rhythm of David Guetta. I did feel like i would throw up sooner or later as the vemon tried to rid my system of alcohol, so i stumbled my way through the crowd to get some fresh air outside, leaving the dorm and walking towards the front doors before thinking twice and going into my dorm for a glass of water. As i fumbled with my keys, a hand came down on mine and took the keys from me. Turning round i saw Thomas meer inches from me, i laughed as i realised my clumsy movements.

"having a breather?" he asked with a smile

"yeah you could say that, fancied some water to be honest" i said as i put my palm to my forehead

Thomas moved to open my door for me, though i could see him struggle with shaking fingers as well, he was slightly less inebriated than me and managed to get the door open.

We scrambled into my dorm and immediately i took my heels off, thankful for the relief

"quick shut the door, the music is ringing in my ears" i exclaimed

"i know, tell me about it" he agreed closing the door behind him

"water?" i offered taking two glasses out of the cupboard and filling them up

"finished packing?" he asked curiously looking around at the half filled boxes. Thomas had been in my flat only a handful of times, usually after or before class as we sometimes walked together or hung out studying.

"not yet, some more bits to pack tomorrow morning. Probably something i should have done earlier" i admitted, handing him a glass and drinking from my own.

He followed me as i walked over to the coach Kira was singing on earlier.

"i can't believe i'm not going to see you everyday" Thomas said to me after a moments silence

"we don't see each other _every _day" i said though i agreed, it would be weird not to see any of my friends again after college. In reality i probably wouldn't see any of my friends again after i left here. The thought made me shed a few tears

"hey now! Don't cry about it, you should be happy you don't have to see my ugly mug every day, lord knows i must have given you a few scares over the years" Thomas teased as he put an arm around me. I laughed a little as i wiped the tears away. It must be the alcohol making me feel like emotional. I just hated the fact that my college friends just didn't fit into my life outside of college. I would never be able to keep in touch, grow old as they did, have career troubles and children. I would never be able to meet them at reunions or even send a holiday card because they simply didn't fit into the vampiric side of my life. Where they would age i would not. I continued to cry as Thomas comforted me, and i think that his warmth and the emotions that overwhelmed me in that moment is what made me press my lips to his in a desperate need to reassurance.

It took all of two seconds for Thomas to react, pressing his lips firmly to mine and moving them in a tender way against mine. In that moment i wasn't so sure it was the alcohol spreading warmth through my body. Our kiss became heated as he grabbed hold of my hips, my waist, my hair, any part of me he could and i was equally as keen to progress the kiss. Im not sure how long we continued that way, but before i knew it, Thomas' hand was sliding up my dress and toward my breasts. Suddenly, a wave of sobriety hit me- thanks very much venom – making me push Thomas away

"wait, stop, Thomas, stop" i said as I sat up and readjusted my dress "i'm sorry i just cant, i can't. Sorry Thomas" i apologised embarrassed by what had just happened.

"no, ness im sorry, i shouldn't have done that when you're so drunk. You're leaving tomorrow and everything, i just don't want you to remember me like this. we're friends, and i'll miss you but i just wanted you to know- i've liked since forever" he exclaimed "oh sorry i'm rambling. We're both leaving tomorrow so i know nothing can happen, we live on different sides of America. I like you Ness, im sorry – i shouldn't have-"

"Thomas, its fine, really. We've both had a lot to drink. Honestly, its okay. It refilled my kissing quota, i haven't had any for a while so im all good" i joked. It seemed to work a little to reduce the tension between us. Just then the girls and Justin came into the room shouting some lyrics from Nicki Minaj.

"come on guys, we're going to head out to the hill, the party is carrying till dawn and there'll be fireworks too!" Kira exclaimed. So dutifully we all headed out and partied, almost until dawn, where you could find around 30 of us lying on the hill, draining the remains of the whiskey bottle and watching the sun rise.

"Hey" Thomas whispered from next to me, i turned my head as his hand nudged me, holding on. "Are we okay?"

I smiled "of course we are" I whispered back lifting our joined hands to my mouth and pressing a swift kiss against them "we're friends" at that he smiled tightly

"yeah" we complied "we are".

5 hours later the girls and I could be found packing the remains of our belongings very quietly and very slowly as the three of them nursed hangovers and i pretended to have at least a little headache. My parents would be here any minute and i still have quite a bit of my room to pack. Alice couldn't understand why i was bringing anything back anyway i wouldn't need it. I agreed somewhat so didn't pack a great deal to take home, just the things i loved most. I sensed my parents arrival before i heard the polite knock at the door. All hangover pretences dropped, I ran to open the door where they stood with smiles on their faces. I hugged them both at the same time and smiled as i withdrew

"I missed you" i said to them lovingly, holding my hand up to my mum's cheek to show her how much.

"we missed you too" she cooed holding my hand to her cheek. They smiled down at me and then we moved into the living room and around the piles of boxes, my parents greeting my flatmates as they passed. Within the hour we were all packed up and ready to go, my flatmates impressed with how much my mum could carry at once. As my parents waited in the car, i said my goodbyes to my flatmates, the girls who i had lived with for four years. It was tearful but thankfully not as overwhelming as last night. As i left, the girls promised they would keep in touch and i reciprocated with a tight smile, thinking maybe i could for the first few years. Maybe.

The drive home took an hour tops with how fast dad drove, and i filled the journey with stories of last night (conveniently leaving out my escapades with Thomas) and of my final exams. My thoughts wandered to Jake and La Push at various points but i thought it maybe wasn't the best time to broach my concerns with my parents. Soon enough we pulled up in the driveway to our family home, the large wooden panelled three storey house which had been lived in for four and a half years. The lights were on throughout but i couldn't hear a sound inside. As I moved through the front door, my parents following, i breathed in the smells of home and smiled, when suddenly

"Surprise!" several voices shouted out and from behind various doorways and pieces of furniture came Rose, Em, Jasper, Alice, Grandma Esme, and grandpa Carlisle. My vampire family all in the same room. I squealed in delight as i went over to hug them all. They congratulated me for finishing and wanted to know all about my last days at college.

"How do you feel now it's over?" Rose asked as she played with my hair.

I smiled at her "i don't know really, glad and a little sad at the same time to be leaving that life behind, my friends, even that identity i suppose" I sighed because thats what it was like, and my family had taught me that so well. It was how i knew i could no longer keep in touch with my friends, because as of a couple of hours ago i once again became Renesmee Cullen, half human- half vampire with no need to hide myself in front of my family. I could no longer be the girl who my college friends knew. I would make new friends in the place we went to next. That was my life.

"Hey Ness, would you like some dinner?" Grandma Esme asked. I had missed her cooking, but i just couldn't face eating alone when around my vampire family, not only was it strange but it made me feel like the odd one out, the weaker child who needed human food. I didn't need human food, but i did love the taste of it sometimes.

"No thanks, grandma, i think i'll go hunting tomorrow maybe or soon at least. Besides i think Jake will call tonight" i told her. I watched as she looked toward my father briefly than smiled back down to me as if she had not. _What's going on, dad? _From behind e i could hear a sigh.

"Ness, there's something we all need to discuss. Its really the reason everyone is here right now. Not that they didn't all want to see you of course" he added, giving me a wry smile as he sat beside me. At his words my family all congregated on the large U-shaped couch.

"What's going on?" i asked "is this about Jake?" i feared, biting my lip.

"He's told you about the scents he keeps picking up in La Push?" my father enquired, looking down at me. I nodded, fearing the worst, my mouth suddenly going dry.

"Your mother and I made a quick visit last week to see for ourselves. The scent is odd, and whilst nothing has yet happened there for us to suspect anything dangerous, we are a little worried that something could happen." He looked up to Carlisle and back down to me again "we wants to keep tabs on the situation"

"Okay" i drew out "and how do you want to do that?"

Dad looked me in the eye and took a moment to search for something within them, though what i don't know. He took a breath before his next sentence, and the words which came out of his mouth shocked me beyond belief "We're moving back to Forks. All of us"


	3. Old Eyes, New Eyes

**Hi All, thanks for reading this far, i hope you enjoy it so far. Any american readers will have to forgive me for grammatical and spelling hiccups as I am British by nature :) **

**I suppose i should say a little more about this story than is in the Summary - this will be a coming of age-ish story though i have purposively left out Renesmee's age for a reason, and maybe at some point i will decide to reveal it, but I don't think its time yet. I'm trying to focus on how Renesmee fits in as a Half-Vampire, Half - Human, rather than how she fits in as an awkward human teenage girl who goes to High School, so I have purposively not written Ness in a high school environment becuase in my head she never went; she was homeschooled because her level of intellect was far too mature for high school. however you will find out as you read on that this will not be the case any longer and that is purely because I want her to meet someone very special ;) ...A****ll will be revealed in later chapters**

**Just so you know, I don't think a story is complete without some SMUT so there will be lemons at some point ahead (which will probably be a little graphic) but we're not quite there yet. **

**Also, i don't have a beta, so all spell checking is done by me...and sometimes i get bored, so i apologis****e if not every 'i' is an 'I' etc etc, eh, have some patience. **

**Finally, of course my disclaimer must be highlighted in full - as I have no original stories inside of me :) these characters are all Stephanie Meyer's (apart from sweet little Hannah i suppose)**

**many thanks and enjoy :)**

** L. **

* * *

><p>I couldn't believe what my dad had said. We were going back to Forks! Okay it may be for an indefinite period of time but it meant I would see my family everyday, i would see Jake everyday! It hadn't been that way for years and years, since i was little. Whilst my family tried to figure out the details of what would happen- how they could survive in Forks without being seen, whether they wanted me to go to Forks High School or whether they wanted us all to go to a different high school within the Olympic peninsula; far enough away so that they wouldn't be recognised but close enough to help the Pack- I moved up to my room in almost a dazed state of shock, delirious at the thought of seeing Jake so soon, but also worried that my parents thought it troublesome enough to move back altogether. I knew that if the time came they would stand and fight to protect the Pack as the Pack had once done for me, and done for my mom too before i was born. Could going back really mean the start of a war? The thought made my stomach churn painfully.<br>"Hey kiddo" I turned as the light voice of my father startled me from my thoughts  
>"Hey dad" I smiled back "I guess I should start packing my stuff up huh?"<br>"Yeah probably" he paused. "Ness" his tone sounded uncertain "I know you're excited about going back to see Jacob and Charlie and the pack. I also know you're nervous. Ness" he paused again and years of experience had taught me that I wasn't going to like what was coming next. "I have to tell you now, that if at any moment we fear for your safety, you will be coming back here... No let me finish - I don't know how but we will all do whatever it takes to keep you away from la push and from forks."

I didn't know how to respond. My mouth which was open in protest only moments ago wouldn't function now. I couldn't quite understand what he was saying but also a tiny part of my mind had her hands on her hips and screamed I told you so! Of course my family would want me to leave, of course they would push me away if it meant keeping me safe. And If I was honest with myself I had known since that day on the meadow. The day my parents decided to lay down their lives in order to fight for mine. The day total strangers decided I was a being worth defying an army for.  
>The fact was that my life was never tied to my family's or to anyone's for that matter because they all would have died that day to keep me alive. Me living was their ultimate goal. Even if they had to die for it, and that meant that i wasn't tied to them; my life did not live in conjunction to theirs because how could it when mine has always been the product of theirs.<p>

That was a decision they had made which became my lifelong reality. So what was my decision? If it came down it to it I'm not sure I would have the strength to leave. But the thought of me fighting full vampires, those who are infinitely stronger than me, also terrified me. I knew that i couldn't live without my family but I was also reasonable enough to know they couldn't live without me now either. I could never leave my family in the same way they couldn't knowingly watch me fight. It was an impasse I knew and i also knew my decisions affected the whole family (wolves and all). I was faced with a decision that was bigger than me and consequently it utterly terrified me.

I looked over to my father's face as he watched me consider his words. He nodded to me but all I could do for now was turn from him and take a much needed breath. The differences between me and my family were almost as apparent to me as the differences between me and my human friends.  
>"I can't promise you anything dad, in the same way you cannot promise me anything. It is too early to know or decide anything yet. Please" I turned to him "let's just go home."<p>

I watched, perched on the car door, as my family packed up and said goodbye to yet another home, wondering idly if it was easier for them this time round because they were leaving for good cause and not because they had to out of fear of being exposed. I smiled to my grandma as she walked toward me.  
>"Ready?" I asked holding my hand out to her<br>"Yes there's not a great deal we can take with us, so we'll just leave it until we come back" she said stopping at my side.  
>"I'm sure the garden will need some work when we get to Forks" I asked her hopefully remembering back to the days we would plant flowers and dig out the unwanted weeds. She would always let me choose the flowers we grew and gave me a patch to call my own for a few vegetables, like potatoes, carrots, green beans, and tomatoes. I enjoyed it in the summer months but had to admit I didn't like witnessing them perish during the fall.<p>

Just then grandpa and my dad came up to us asking if we were ready to go. We all looked back one last time and climbed into our respective cars before leaving the house we had lived in for four years. As we drove down the driveway I couldn't shake the feeling that i wouldn't be coming back here.

The plane journey took longer than I had hoped. We were delayed at the airport by a couple of hours and then hit turbulence, but at around 8pm we made it to Sea-Tac. From there, dad managed to get us to Forks in just over 2 hours by cars we had delivered to the airport. As we approached the city I couldn't help but be nervous and excited. I had already received a couple of texts from jake following our earlier phone call...

_"Hey ness!" __  
><em>_"Hey jake! We've just boarded the plane, hopefully we'll be in Forks by the end of the evening. Are you coming to meet us?" I squeaked down the phone. Hearing his voice made it seem even more real, like he was in tangible distance from me at last. __  
><em>_"Of course, I'll be there don't you worry your pretty little head. I'm mapping your flight so I'll be there before you, can't wait" he added __  
><em>_"Me either, it feels like it's been so long since I last saw you, and to think now I'll see you everyday" __  
><em>_At that he laughed "you know I have a life ness, I may not be able to see you _everyday_" he mocked,__  
><em>_"Sure sure" I said rolling my eyes __  
><em>_He paused as if in thought, "Yeah what am I saying, you are my life"__  
><em>_"Oh course I am, I'm irresistible to you" I stated ignoring the butterflies that flitted carelessly around my stomach._

...I knew that I was fidgeting on my seat, I could practically feel my parents' wry smiles, but what's a girl to do? My family was only whole when we lived in Forks with the pack, Billy, Charlie, Sue...Jake.

The life of the pack was so different from the life of my vampiric family, almost polar opposites, almost. Their very movements were so unplanned, so lively, so warm. Their smiles were infectious. Their characters seemed to magnify only when they were together, they bounced off each other's light and laughter. Not only that, but they all accepted me, loved me and trusted me, treated me as one of their own. They became as much my family as my own vampire family, and where my vampires brought out that part of my nature, my wolves brought out my humanity.  
>I couldn't wait to see Claire either, Quil's imprint, Rachel, Jacobs sister, and Emily and Kim; girls who meant so much to me the last time I was in Forks. But more than that I couldn't wait to see Hannah; Seth's imprint and my longest-standing friend, my best friend.<br>I had spoken to her via Skype a couple of hours before we left Minnesota and we spent most of the time gushing over seeing each other again. I loved Hannah, mostly because she reminded me of both a vampire and a human at the same time. In her own way she was a hybrid, all the emotions and characteristics she owned were as magnified as a vampire's; her undeniable kindness for others, her care and attention to them, and the overwhelming strength she had gained from losing her parents and brother at a young age. It was no wonder Seth imprinted on her, and I couldn't have been happier for her to find peace at last with a soul as kind as she is.  
>Hannah amazed me and I loved her as a sister, even my parents had commented many times on how well we complimented each other.<p>

"Honey, we're here" my mum nudged me awake. As I drearily opened my eyes I looked out of the window at the place I had called home for so long, it was all lit up, like white stone lit up by the warmth of the interior.  
>Of course I couldn't wait to get in and see my old room, smell the smell of our home, swing on the tree swing in our back garden, lie on the sofas of the bug house, do all the things I can remember doing throughout my childhood. Of course I couldn't wait to do all that, but none of it really seemed to matter when my eyes locked on the figure standing grinning from ear to ear on the porch step. He looked handsome stood in jeans, biker boots and a black top, arms spread out by his sides as if welcoming us all home<br>"Jake" I announced more to myself than anything "jake" I repeated a bit louder as I scrambled out the car and ran as fast as I could up the driveway toward him. The last few metres felt like light years as I took in his appearance; his warm eyes, his smile, the heat he radiated that I had missed for so long.  
>I felt like collapsing as he finally encircled me in his arms. He felt so familiar to me and the moment I was connected to him, I felt <em>it<em> slide into place again, that imaginary yet oh-so-real part of myself which ached when I was without jake and shone bright whenever I was with him. It was unexplainable, but I could only put it down to the laws of the imprint.

As I leaned back to look into his face, I could only think that his grin must have reflected mine  
>"I missed you" he told me. I loved how jake spoke to me, like I was the only person he was talking to because no one else mattered, like his words were only ever meant for my ears.<br>"You have no idea" I agreed.  
>He let me down as my family started to pass him, some of them embracing him and some patting him of the shoulder as they passed; Rosalie flat-out ignoring him. Mum and dad were last to greet him and he hugged them both as if reuniting with old friends. Afterward, he took my hand as we entered the old, yet familiar family home and I smiled as I set eyes on it again with new eyes. Yet i couldn't help but think that somehow my memories transported me back to the child who loved this place more than anything, who found hope and love here. I'm sure this house meant so much too every one of my family members who stood with me now, it was the place where everything started and everything grew. It was the place where families were built and forever's promised, and I could see this as I looked onto every member of my beloved family. We were home at last.<p> 


	4. New Ground

Vampires were a very territorial species. Or at least that's what I put it down to when I nearly got bowled over by my aunts and uncles who ran to claim their old rooms back.

"So I guess I'll just find mine on my own then" I shouted up to their figures although they had already disappeared behind closed doors. The only room left to claim was my fathers, I knew, as I made my way up to the third floor. I used to sleep here when I was younger, I thought opening the door and looking at the large bed adorned with gold covers. It smelled just the same as it had all that time ago, like vanilla and jasmine, but I could also detect a slight musk gifted by the emptiness this room had seen over the past years.  
>As I looked around I noted for the first time that this room seemed smaller than the others in the house and laughed at the fact that it had once seemed so big to me.<br>Something I also remembered was how soft these carpets felt on my young feet. I smiled to myself as I slipped off my heels and walked across the room tenderly, savouring every fibre of the rug on my skin., stopping as I reached the wall to wall glass panes which let a vast amount of natural light. Just then, I remembered then why I loved this room so much; the view was spectacular. From the back garden and the overgrown wildlife, across the stream, into the massive expanse of Forrest and beyond to the hills and to La Push. These were the views implanted in my memory and although I had a virtually vampiric mind I could see now, that I had not done this justice at all. I felt my heart grow as I touched the glass and looked out onto the garden. I was a girl returning home, finally.

And then, it was there again, that feeling I'd know anywhere, alerting me to his presence even though I could not hear him or see him yet. I turned to smile as he walked in the room  
>"Glad to be back?" He asked lightly<br>"Of course" I took a breath "it's just how I remembered it and at the same time not at all the same"  
>"New eyes seeing old memories" he muttered as he brought in a cardboard box and a suitcase. "I suppose you'd better start unpacking then, you know, seeing as how you're staying and all" he teased as I unzipped my bag and took out a few piles of clothing. I stopped when I reached my wolf. The toy wolf jake had won for me at the Forks fair, right before we left...<br>_  
><em>_"I love you, ness, and even when I can't be with you, I am always protecting you" he promised as he wrapped my hands around the tiny russet coloured toy. __  
><em>  
>Smiling wryly as I picked it up, I looked over to see him watching my face intently. I held the wolf up to my face before putting it down in the middle of the pillow to keep guard from a high vantage point.<br>"Nice" Jake chuckled.  
>Just then my mom came into view, popping her head around the door "hey, ness, it's getting pretty late now, finish your unpacking tomorrow if you want, we'll let you sleep before arranging the furniture" she smiled<br>"Thanks mom, are you going to the cottage tonight?"  
>"I think so, for a bit at least, we need to move some of the stuff over there, could take us a few trips"<br>"Okay, I'll see you in the morning then"  
>I turned to Jake when she left "are you staying?" I asked hopefully. Now that it came down to it, I wasn't sure I was ready to let him leave yet, I'd only just got him back. As I touched his palm I showed him my worries, I showed him how I felt when he wasn't with me, and how happy I was to have him back.<br>"God, I missed that" he breathed clutching my hand to his face, "it's amazing how much you can miss something that's so surreal. But this, _showing_ me _you_, God I missed it" he whispered, kissing the side of my palm. I don't know whether it was his words or his movements that made my breath hitch, or whether it was just _him_. I had only been with him for an hour or two and already I had learned to need him more than I ever had before. We were changing, our relationship was changing, and it wasn't a mental change, more of a physical change, like a lock clicking into place.  
>"Stay" the words were out of my mouth before I knew i needed to say them. I could sense Jacob wasn't breathing as his eyes pierced mine.<p>

I had never known how to explain what it felt like to look at Into Jacob's eyes, but every single time I was transported back to that newborn baby girl who saw her imprint for the first time, her new world. Every time I looked into his eyes now, It was like reaffirming that connection, like seeing my world for the first time all over again.

"Renesmee" the firm voice of my father broke my reverie as I moved my hand away from Jacobs cheek. I turned to him from where I stood. My private moment wasn't so private, I thought wryly. I sighed looking at his stern features, all the emotions I felt before fizzled away into thin air, taken like water by evaporation.

In that moment I wanted him to understand, more than anything I needed jakes presence, and a part of me thought that he did understand. In the same way he needed my mother I think I needed Jake. I always had, thinking back.  
>But then again, sometimes I knew not to push my luck. I turned back to Jake then as he sat, still, on my bed. I plastered on a hopeful smile as I asked "you're coming back tomorrow, then?" He gave me a knowing smile, got up and lightly placed his hand on my cheek "of course, I'll be right outside, ness"<br>I frowned "you started regular patrols again?"  
>He looked up at my father quickly and back down at me again "Just a precaution. There's enough of us now we can patrol a larger area than just la push"<p>

I scoffed "what, protecting one town isn't enough for you?"  
>"Protecting one town isn't much in the way of saving the world from terrifying vampires such as yourselves now is it?" He poked his tongue out and stroked my hair "I'll see you in the morning okay?"<br>"Don't stray too far from me" I said as he walked out the room  
>"Never" he promised as he closed the door. <p>

As I settled myself into bed that evening, I couldn't help think of mine and Jake's relationship, and of course when anyone wonders about the future they think of how their past has led them to their present. I had always been exceptionally grateful for Jake's continued presence in my life, I had grown to love him in the way you should love another person; because of their goodness and because of how they make you good. Sometimes it felt like my most cherished qualities were all a bi-product of him; kindness, patience, honesty, warmth. I loved him for those things. And I'm not stupid, I know the imprint was a large part of our connection, but to me it wasn't unearthly and it wasn't supernatural. Humans found this kind of love; I was just fortunate enough to find mine when I was only a couple of hours old.

Whenever I thought of my future, Jake was unquestionably a big part of it, but which part he would play was another matter entirely. He had been my Protector, my Brother, my Confidant, my Friend. He had fulfilled those roles so well when I was a child, did he really have a place with them any longer or had we grown too old for those foolish parts? It nagged at me that I might not have the time to figure all this out what with impending doom heavy on our heels. Would I always bring this much suffering to my family just because I had lived?

"Okay, you ready?" I shouted across to my uncle, a grin spreading wide across both our faces. He crouched as I poised, ready to attack. He always wanted me to attack first.

I took half a second to breathe and with planned movements sprinted directly toward him. He was ready for me of course, I could see it in the way his eyes lit; he knew what I had planned. And so, at the very last moment, right when I should have attacked, he lifted his arm in order to swing it at me right as my body leaned back on itself and my head rolled back on my neck. With super speed I had narrowly avoided his swinging arm and had turned to face his back jumped on and grabbed his head as if moving in to kill. A round of applause came from my impressed audience.  
>"Very nice, ness" Jaspers southern drawl appreciated as he turned to me. I jumped off his back and wiped my jeans clean.<p>

"You ready for the next part?" He looked at me knowingly. Running. Crap. Don't get me wrong, I liked running and i was good too. I had inherited something special from my dad and could run fast. But I would be kidding myself if I thought I could run faster than a vampire. I couldn't do anything as well as a vampire could, and if we are being honest, in a fight I'd most definitely lose my head - quite literally. I banished the thought before my father could catch onto it and nodded at jasper who awaited my answer.  
>"Let's do this" I agreed, turning toward the Forrest. Emmett came to stand alongside jasper just then as we had agreed a long time ago, it would be more realistic to practice with two chasers because in a fighting situation, there probably would be more than one enemy hot on my tail. I took a breath and readied my muscles as well as I could before running off into the forest, jumping across the stream. Emmett and jasper would give me a four second head start and then head after me. They had drilled it into me that four seconds would be vital in my survival. Just four seconds. Four seconds would be the difference between survival and fatality. I just had to hope I had four seconds in a real life situation.<br>Rule one of running was to know where you were going, even if the terrain was new to you, let your head guide your feet and your feet guide you, and don't ever second guess yourself, because that's one second you don't have. I thought of this as I ran into the Forrest I once new but had changed so much to me in all the years we had been gone.  
>Rule two was to never ever use 100% of your ability from the word go. Only ever reach 80% and save the last 20% for when you truly needed it.<br>Rule three, know your enemy. (Something tells me my uncles nicked this one from the rules of war but hey ho, it applies to all situations I guess). Know their weakenesses, their decisions, listen to their movements. For example, Emmett was heavy footed, it takes him approximately 2/8ths of a second longer than jasper to pick his foot off the ground when running, and 5/8ths longer than it took my dad.  
>Just then, Emmett -who I was watching from the corner of my eye -took a swing for me. He was 4 and a half steps behind me and his arms were long, and as a rule Emmett always always went for the straight forward attack. As he lifted his arm to swing at my side, I side stepped mid-run and avoided the blow without losing any time from my precious four seconds. I hadn't slowed but neither had my opponents.<br>Rule four, never underestimate your chasers (again, I don't think this was an original idea). Jasper would always take longer to make a move, strategically planning before attacking. I came to a river and without a moment's hesitation, used a large rock to bound off the bank and across to the other side. Jasper and Emmett must have used the same rock, but although jasper got across easily, Emmett faltered and fell in the water. Of course I didn't look around to see this, I used my senses and could hear the splash as well as the subsequent lack of footfalls from the heavier of the two men.

The land in front of me looked slightly turbulent I noticed which may be difficult to navigate around, and so with that I made the decision to jump. I landed on the tree I intended to and swung from one branch to the next.  
>I was good at tree-moving, I had been doing it for years, and usually it confused vampires because they ran more than they 'swung' (why would they need to tree hop when running gets you there so much faster?) Of course that doesn't mean they are bad at it. As I latched onto my fifth tree, jasper pounced. He was almost on top of me when I loosened my grip on the bark and fell gracefully to the ground. In moments I started running again.<p>

In those precious seconds I had gained from losing jasper, Emmett had returned with avengance, if I was going to survive I needed to get rid of him. Thinking about my next plan, jasper returned to flank one side and Emmett the other. I could see their movements before they happened as they both leapt at the same time for me. I jumped with more strength than I probably should have used and gripped onto the tree. If this plan didn't work I would climb to the top of the fern and tree hop from there where it was easier (although I knew my parents would go nuts if they could see me doing that so high up). The moment I latched onto the tree I heard an almighty crash as jasper and Emmett flew into each other at full speed. I knew it couldn't have hurt them because of their tough exterior but I still winced as I heard the sound. If this were a real attack I would use this opportunity to land on them both and tear their heads off, using approximately 1.8 seconds to end them both. I showed them this of course by landing on top of them and placing my hands to their necks.

I had won.

And I could tell from their faces they thought so too, jasper smiling with appreciation and Emmett used his grumpy voice to congratulate me on my win. Emmett made me laugh at times like this because he took losing and winning so seriously, yet of course, if this training ever came to good use I knew he would be exceptionally proud of me.  
>"Okay, that's enough you lot" Alice and mum came running up to us "Jacob and Edward are going off their nut and it's almost sundown. Well done Ness, you were gone for a good couple of hours"<br>My mouth dropped as Alice's words hit me, we were running for hours? I had outran vampires for hours? I grinned up at jasper then as the realisation of her words hit me.

Mum came to drape her arm across my shoulder as we walked back, "you tired?" She whispered, understanding how much I hated feeling weaker than all my family. I looked to where Alice, jasper and Emmett were a few yards in front of us talking animatedly before nodding my head once toward my mum. "Hungry too" I added. "can we go hunting tomorrow?" I asked hopefully.

"Actually" she paused "we were thinking of going tonight. We were going to stop off at the hospital on the way out of the state to get some donations for you" she looked at her shoes guilty. 'Donations' that's what she called them, as if the humans had gone to blood banks in order to donate to the mysterious blood sucking creatures of the world and _not_ the dieting patients in A&E who _actually_ needed it. "You do need it Ness" she argued, and I looked down realising she had grabbed my hand. Damn it, I really need to get that under control.  
>"Mum, I don't just see why I can't go hunting with you guys"<br>"You can, ness. We love hunting with you, but human blood makes you stronger, it's just a-"  
>"Precaution, yeah yeah I know" I said as I snatched my hand away from her and moved toward the White House which was now in sight.<br>"Ness, you want to be strong enough, don't you?"  
>"Yeah mum, I do. It's fine, I'll have the blood" and really there was no point arguing, because that's what all this training was for, wasn't it? To be strong enough to fight fully fledged lethal vampires who wanted nothing more than to kill me. And I needed to be strong enough to protect myself, to protect my family. Taking human blood was just another thing that separated me from them though, it was another thing that I was dependant on, and it was another thing that made me a monster-because I drank human blood. Blood which had been selflessly donated across the country by humans who wanted to help make the world a better disease-free place.<p>

"Ness" my father's voice admonished as I walked through the back door "you can't see it that way"  
>"But I do, dad, I do see it that way" I turned from him and ran up to my room, too tired to argue or even bring the energy to eat. I slumped down on my bed for the second night's sleep in a home that held so much disaster above its front door.<p>

And so that is how I found myself the next morning, glaring at a thermal flask filled with 1 pint of warm human blood (O Negative of course) and wishing I was anywhere other than here.  
>"Appetising" I commented dryly to my awaiting audience; mom, dad and grandpa.<br>"Drink up, ness" Jake said cheerfully as he entered the room. I grimaced remembering how I woke up this morning holding onto the hope that Jacob would object to this form of 'strengthening'. On the contrary I found he was all for any plan which would increase my chances of survival against an army of vampires who wanted me dead. I sighed as I took the flask in hand. Later on I wanted to go see Grandpa Charlie, Sue and Billy, but I knew drinking this now would increase my attraction to human blood and I worried about the consequences of that. Jake had promised me nothing bad would happen, his faith in me never wavering, but I worried.  
>I sighed knowing I was outnumbered by eight vampires and a werewolf; my odds weren't great. I took a deep breath as I held the flask to my lips and let my vampiric thirst take over, shutting down my brain and letting my true nature flow through my vemon-filled veins. The taste was amazing of course, which made me hate it even more. Every drop was an excruciating pleasure. Clearly this had turned me into a masochist. Great.<br>As I finished my last gulp I put the flask back on the table with slightly more force than strictly necessary, grunted, and walked out the back door. I didn't mean to sound so ungrateful, I knew my family were doing this to keep me strong, to save my life. And if drinking this helped me to protect them then of course it was the right thing to do. I just resented that this was the only way I could do that.  
>I knew that no matter how much training I completed, none of it would make the slightest bit of difference if I wasn't strong enough to take on the vampires in the first place. I was an athlete whose reality was steroids because their metabolism was too high. Nurture fighting nature.<p>

I'm not sure how long I sat on the tree swing for but eventually Jake came out and sat beside me, he didn't say a word, his silence was the only reassurance I needed. A little while later, my moms voice rang out from the house,  
>"Ness, are you coming to visit Charlie with us?"<br>I froze in fear, knowing this part would come but too terrified to face it  
>Jake grabbed my hand and my fears were exposed to him<br>"Ness, I trust you, you'll be fine, and we'll be there. We love you, we wouldn't let anything bad happen to you or to Charlie" he whispered, his voice never faltering.  
>"Come on, Slow poke, I want to see the look on Charlie's face when he sees you haven't changed. One. Bit" Emmett teased as we moved our way into the garage and to the cars.<br>"Uh, nah-ah, there's no way you're coming, Rose was looking for you last time I checked and you're not escaping with us" my mother tutted to him as she got into the car. I chuckled myself at the forlorn expression on his face as we drove away.


End file.
